Mom, Money, Art

The ultimate struggle for me as an artist is the juggling of priorities. I believe this is true for most artists.

I have three major priorities right now, in this order.. Mom, Money, Art.

First I am Mom. This is the most important role I have, and I only get one chance to raise them. Now that my kids are 14, 9, and 8 my job description has changed. My kids have interests and schedules that are more busy than ever. Okay, so after 1pm, I belong to them entirely. I drive them from this activity to that activity, wash uniforms, and help with ever increasingly difficult homework.

My second priority, which is tied to the first is Money.... As much as I'd like to blow this one off, and just have my Kids and Art to think about, this is not the reality I live in. I enjoy work, and earning as much as I can is not an option, it is necessary for survival right now. I dream of a day when the money we have coming in from one source is all we need, but that is simply not the way it is. Frankly I enjoy work, and praise God that I am able to earn doing things that I love. I build websites for artists, have a online magazine called ARTAZINE to help promote art instructors, artists, and galleries, and I paint murals.

My third priority, the one that nourishes my soul is painting. I love painting and always will, and if I don't paint, even though I stay busy and I love my ability to earn, I feel like I am not fulfilling my role here on earth. There is an emptiness that aches until I paint again.

When I first started painting, the subject didn't matter to me. I painted flowers because they were pretty, and tried to find a commercial outlet for my work. I tried to match home decor and trends. Although my these paintings sold, I still felt like they didn't "say" enough.

One day I had a crazy emotion and felt that restrictive pull that shuts down my ability to verbally communicate. An image popped into my head and I painted. Fearful of judgement the painting sat in my studio for about two years, unseen by anyone but me. One day I showed the painting to a trusted family member and artist. He told me that he is more interested in this painting than any of the more than 100 that I had previously completed.

The painting is called "Speechless". Comments are more than welcome.

"Speechless" detail

This was the sort of response that I hoped for, although I half expected him to confirm that he thought I was crazy. I want my paintings to communicate at a depth beyond words. Maybe they will reach someone out there.  Sure, I will occasionally paint an inspirational flower or scene, but I really believe that I have this gift for a reason and I think that reason is intended for more than interior decorating.

Someday I pray that my priorities will be Mom, Art... but until then I am ever grateful that I can still use my creativity to earn.